Peace Like A River

It was a wide river, mistakable for a lake or even an ocean unless you'd been wading and knew its current. Somehow I'd crossed it... Now I saw the stream regrouped below, flowing on through what might've been vineyards, pastures, orhards... It flowed between and alongside the rivers of people; from here it was no more than a silver wire winding toward the city. - Leif Enger, Peace Like A River

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

24 Day 5 3:00 PM - 4:00 PM

I think the graphic violence warning is winking at me. Cheeky warning.

The Previously on LA Laws go on for about a half hour. We're reminded of the correct code for the detonator, AKC. These are the initials of the American Kennel Club, one last nod to last week's Westminster theme.

Last season, Paul said that the train wreck at the beginning of the season was an apt metaphor for the season. I think Martha's craziness is the metaphor for this season. Insanity seems to be breaking out all over, as we'll see.

As we begin, Yellow Tie, his remaining henchmen, and their new found ride arrive at some other baddie location. Which means they've been driving now for about 4 minutes. If the Chief Bad Guy was so close, one wonders why Yellow Tie didn't contact him before.

We discover this new bad guy is named Bierko. He shall henceforth be known as Sgt. Bierko. Ironic, then, that Sgt. Bierko was conned by Nathanson. I wonder if he has any Doberman guard dogs.

Sgt. Bierko has a British accent, in keeping with the age-old tradition in TV and movies of giving bad guys British accents. It continues the 24 tradition as well. In Season 1 the baddies were Serbian, though Dennis Hopper's accent was more of an atrocity than an accent. Season 2 had Middle Eastern types. Season 3 had Mexicans, plus Saunders (British accent again). Season 4 had Marwan, though his Middle Eastern accent was not exactly top drawer either.

Sgt. Bierko is not pleased with Yellow Tie, and Erwich gets a knife in the gut for all his troubles. There's not a lot of love in this terrorist organization.

Apparently we're in the Matrix Guy's lair, as some bespectacled flunky is shot by yet another member of the terrorist army. Nathanson is on the run.

He calls someone referred to as "Alpha Seven." Nathanson says "someone just took out my men." Alpha Seven says "Oh, that's sweet. Were they nice girls? Of course, with all the confusion today over gender roles, it might be awkward agreeing on who pays for dinner, but I hope your men had a good time."

But the conversation ends there, as Alpha Seven's role in our little pageant comes to a violent end, and he doesn't even have a chance to destroy his databases.

Meanwhile, on another island, Lynn calls Twisted Sister, wanting his key card back. The one he apparently didn't need to get back into CTU earlier.

Jenny, I have your number
I need you to return what's mine
I tried to call you before but I lost my nerve,
I tried my imagination but I was disturbed

Twisted Sister has sure picked a winner for a boyfriend. Dwayne. Dwayne is handling things, hoping the random firings of synapses in his brain come up with an idea for what to do with this key card. Some like it pot!

Samwise's phone rings, and he wonders what strange, magical Elven device this is. Oh, I guess he knows what it is. He picks it up and immediately says "Jenny!" Smooth, Lynn. It's the President.

Logan chews him out yet again. And says "take responsibility for your job." Kettle, meet Pot. Some like it Kettle!

Lynn tries to scoop his intestines back into his abdominal cavity after that evisceration, and is late to yet another CTU conference meeting. Bill tweaks him by saying "I thought you'd want us to start without you." Lynn is a bit irritable, and snaps at his loyal subjects.

Lynn tries to put all this on Jack. (Guess he didn't take to heart the friendly advice about taking responsibility for his job.) In a sign that Samwise may actually possess the Ring, and is being corrupted by it, he orders Jack to be taken into custody.

Curtis is informed of this, and takes Jack's gun. Jack says "I'm calling the President", like some child calling Daddy to settle a sibling fight.

Bill filters intel at Station 3. Not sure what intel they're getting at this point, since they don't know squat.

Nathanson calls Audrey from out of the blue. A resourceful fellow is he. How'd he get Audrey's number? He wants a clean line to Jack. I would think he would have reason to doubt CTU's ability to secure a line, since Nathanson himself listened in on Jack and Novick's call, which was supposed to be on a clean line.

We get one of the hoariest of cliches. Audrey says "How do I know etc...." and Nathanson says "You don't."

Audrey calls up Jack, and gives him a rundown as if Nathanson is on hold, but apparently Audrey forgot to send him over to the elevator music, as Nathanson breaks in. He tells Jack he has a node monitor. Or was it a nematode monitor? Always important to get the soil acidity right for those little worms, so they must be monitored.

Nathanson says he wants "protection." I just can't bring myself to make the obvious jokes here.

Jack is to go to Moorpark and Densmore. Ah, I remember it well, Castle Densmore out on the moors. It began one winter evening, as the fog lay thick over... oh, never mind.

As Curtis is schlepping Jack back to CTU, Jack sees his chance to escape and inexplicably puts the Atomic Sleeper Hold on Curtis. That's going to be an issue for them.

Jack dumps Curtis out on the boulevard and leaves him there like garbage to be picked up. I wonder if you have to use those 5-dollar bags with the orange twist before the garbage truck will take Curtises away.

Going into commercial, the clocks are at :13 to :13, but coming back, as we all knew it would, the clocks are at :18 to :16. A portal opened up in the corner of my living room, and some dinosaurs came running past. Dang these commercial breaks. They have got to stop messing around with the space-time continuum.

Lynn's phone does the boop-boop-BEE-boop, and it's Curtis. Curtis is not in a mood to cover for Jack, and tells Lynn what happened. He recovered admirably from the sleeper hold. Lynn tells Curtis to get back to CTU, though I'm not sure how he'll accomplish that trick. Maybe flag down a taxi and commandeer the taxi at gunpoint.

Speaking of recovering, I guess Jack's cracked rib isn't bothering him too much anymore, either.

Now, Audrey surely commits what must be a federal crime. She lies to Lynn about talking to Jack.

Chloe can't trace Jack's phone, something about a sim card. Speaking of Jack's phone, how did Chloe know Jack's number at the beginning of the season? Jack was supposed to be dead, seems like a security risk. If it was Jack's phone he had while at CTU, isn't someone in the business office wondering why someone was still using minutes on a phone signed out to Jack?

Now Audrey wants Chloe to commit a federal crime and erase the call to Jack from the logs.

Samwise calls Elvis Costello in the comm office and wants to see Audrey's phone logs. Every day, every day, every day I write the logs.

But Chloe makes the offending logs disappear in a very obvious way, and Lynn is suspicious. I'm not sure why Chloe is taking orders from Audrey, who isn't even a CTU employee. Sure, it's "for Jack", but risking time in a federal penitentiary is no trivial matter.

At the presidential retreat, Logan has time to sit around watching TV. Sgt. Bierko calls. Logan whines "I'm not talking to them." Novick says the terrorists are demanding to speak to Logan. Oh, well, since terrorists are "demanding". Logan immediately caves and talks to Bierko. A pillar of strength, he is.

Sgt. Bierko is honest, he wants the route of Suvarov's motorcade, so Bierko can carry out his attack on some Russians. If Logan is such a pushover, not sure why Sgt. Bierko didn't demand that Logan help him get out of the country with the 19 gas cylinders. Then he could still carry out his precious attack on Moscow.

Logan does his head leany thing again, and tells Novick he wants the route, just to have on hand in case. In case Logan wets himself and cowers before the terrorist demands, that is.

Clocks are at :28 to :27. Hey, our universe has gained a minute on the 24 clock! Go universe!

Lynn correctly surmises that "someone is screwing with me." Bill says, with a straight face, that maybe a system glitch just happened to wipe out Audrey's phone log. To his credit, Lynn isn't buying that cartload of donkey dung.

Out on the mean streets, Jack roars up in a street that looks like the one used in the episode from Season 1 were Kim was kimnapped for the very first time. (Speaking of Kim, still no sign of her. Has Audrey forgotten all about getting her to CTU?)

Nathanson makes Jack follow a trail of bread crumbs to make sure he wasn't followed. But, a helo comes from out of nowhere and disgorges bad guys.

Jack says "You have hostiles coming in after you." Then he says "from the adjacent parking structure", but the krazy kaptions say "They are not CTU."

What follows is a running gun battle. Nathanson bounds over a roof with raised structures that fittingly look like the scene from The Matrix where Trinity was running from the cops. The baddies are the usual bad shots, and can't hit Nathanson with automatic weapons from a range of ten feet.

Jack plugs a bad guy or two, wings a second helo, and the battle is over. (Amazing how terrorists can get two helos, fill them with well armed men and fly all over LA.)

Nathanson gives up the ghost, but before he departs he gives Jack some kind of chip.

Jack wants Chloe to "data mine" the chip. He'll send it to her "socket." Ah, that old familiar 24 jargon. Speaking of which, nobody has "gone dark" this episode. Chloe's socket code is 5J55J.

Clocks are at :42 to :41. Our universe is holding steady.

Martha just walks in unannounced as Logan and Novick discuss plans that could start a war. She asks what is going on, and Logan tells all to this crazy person.

When Martha hears that Logan is seriously considering letting the Russian president be killed on American soil, Martha wigs out, and the discussion devolves into a cage match.

Chloe discovers this "t-drive" has data encrypted by DoD pass codes. But CTU is in luck, they happen to have a DoDer in stock. But, Lynn is staying close to Audrey, so Chloe can't talk to her. Bill helps out and runs interference, and unknowingly refers to Lynn's key card, a touchy subject for Lynn these days.

But, Samwise is slowly losing his grip on sanity, and accuses everyone of stealing his strawberry ice cream. Bill is detained. (We find out Audrey's father is still the SecDef.)

Lynn then says something we haven't heard yet this season. He says "Everyone, I want your attention." Michelle used to do that every five minutes last season.

Lynn says they are now under a Section 2-3 redundancy and everybody will be monitored and mirrored through Lynn's station. I think Lynn is on a Section 8 redundancy. How is he going to keep track of everyone?

"Johnson, stop looking at and get back to work! Harris, you play Minesweeper one more time I'll have you shot!"

Lynn finishes with a tender "All right you Goonies, get back to work!"

Clocks are at :52 to :51.

Chloe's data mining proceeds with the usual rapid pace. A company called Terra-Dyne is referred to. It's in La Canada. Something called Omicron is mentioned. Jack knows of their VP for R and D, Christopher Henderson.

(Who can forget that the company in Buckaroo Banzai was Yoyodyne! I wonder if we'll get to meet John YaYa, and John Smallberries.)

Alas, no such comedic touches and we some plain jane names on the screen. Michael Shea, Shawn McElroy, John Mailloux, Daniel Zbel, David D'Amario, Ben Robertaccio. Are these the producers' college buddies?

Logan tries to convince Martha, and himself, that setting up the Russian president to be killed by terrorists in LA is the wisest course of action. It must be, given the huge amount of time Logan spent considering it. Also, given all the input from all the President's advisors, there must be no other options. What's that? Logan only consulted Novick and a crazy woman, not the SecDef, SecState, CIA Director, the Joint Chiefs, etc...? Oh. We're all doomed, then. Logan has gone crackers.

Novick gets a call. The krazy kaptions say "Bierko: It's time. Give me the motorcade route." But, we don't hear anything.

There's a chummy moment with Suvarov and Anya as they all laugh together. It's all Martha can do to keep from blurting out the happy news about the surprise Logan has in store for them. Given Martha's tenuous hold on her mental faculties, it's a wonder Logan left Martha alone with Suvarov.

Martha does come up with a clever response to Logan's treachery, though. Martha gets in the limo with Suvarov, and will go to the airport with them. Unknowing Aaron must go along with her. (Aaron apparently suffered no repercussions for allowing Walt to hang himself minutes after being placed in Aaron's custody.)

With insanity breaking out all over, even our universe can't cope. The clocks slide to :60 and :58 as the hour comes to an end.

Once again, guest critic Paul Foth won't be joining us. His treacherous boss leaked the route Paul takes to work to a squeegee man, and the resulting panhandling accident was horrific. Paul is recovering in CTU Medical.

Number of times Jack says "Now!": 9
Number of times Jack says "No!": 8
Number of times a "protocol" is mentioned: 21
Number of times someone says a variation of "Go!": 11
Number of moles: 3
Approximate Body Count: 40 (plus three rats, plus one human nerve gas guinea pig, plus 10-20 in the mall food court (and no, not from food poisoning))

<-2:00 PM - 3:00 PM 4:00 PM - 5:00 PM ->


  • At Tue Feb 21, 10:34:00 AM, Robert said…

    Due to Gorgon violence, peeper discretion is advised.

    Where does a terrorist go to rent a helicopter? And how does he expalin the bulletholes and the smoking engine when he turns it back in? Does his Russian Express Card (don't leave home) cover the damages, or is he liable?

    Oh yeah, and how does his helicopter magically know exactly where Nic Knight is meeting Jack? Guess good old Nic should have stayed out of the daylight after all...or at least stayed behind cover while Jack put the chooper out of commission instead of crawling out to where they could shoot him!

    Only a complete idiot like President Jellyfish would put a complete idiot like Samwise in charge of CTU during the offseason...and during a crisis? Please.

    Martha's jumping into the limo was a brilliant twist. What do you want to bet PJ lets her go up in smoke? Talk about plausible denability. Of course he didn't know about any plot, he let his wife ride along with the Russkies.

    Is there any possibility Curtis would actually draw his weapon (anyone have crayons?) and shoot the idiot hobbit? I'd contribute to his defense fund. Samfoolish makes Chappelle look like a good leader, and that takes some doing. But at least we can hope he'll meet the same fate.

  • At Tue Feb 21, 10:41:00 AM, Chris said…

    That is a shame, someone throwing away a perfectly good black boy like that.

    If Mike "Van Johnson" Novik stands up to President "Queeg" Logan, will he get Jose Ferrer to defend him? Does that make Lynn Fred MacMurray?

    Seriously, they're killing me, Whitey. They're killing me.

  • At Tue Feb 21, 10:49:00 AM, Jeff said…

    Robert, I was a little unclear too how the Terrorist 1st Airborne Division knew where to find Nathanson. Guess he should have worried about being followed himself. The Martha in the limo thing was a neat plot twist, a good way to propel us into the next episode. Although, yeah, maybe Logan is dancing with glee.

    And Chris, ha! The perfect line for Curtis. How could I forget the classic Better Off Dead.

    And surely CTU must have some ball bearings laying around.


Post a Comment

<< Home