The Night Before Christmas

It vas de night before Christmas, ven all tru de place vere I vas staying
Dere vasn't nobody making no noise, not eefen som mouses
except my brudder-in-law and he is a rat.
De stockings vere hanged by de shimney kinda careful
Because dat feller vit de red knickers vas supposed to be dere.

De little shavers vas all snug in dere beds
Vile visions of sugar plums vas dancing in dere heads
And mama in her curlers and ay in my night shirt
Had yust vashed our feet for a long vinter's nap.

Ven out on de lawn dere arose a heck of a noise
Ay yumped out of may bed to see if it vas de boys,
Avay to de vindow ay flew like a flash
Ay coulda made it faster but ay'd yust ate some hash.

De Moon vas shining on de new snow wot had yust come down
And it vas kinda shining like it vasn't night
And vat to my vondering eyes should appear
But a teeney-weeney sleigh and eight tiny horses.

Dere vas a tiny little driver - so sudden and quick
Ay could tell right avay in may night shirt it was yolly St. Nick
More faster dan eagles his horses dey came
And he whistled and hollered and called em bad names.

Now hasher - now trasher - now vixer - now prancer
On Cosmetics - On Stupid - On Visconsin - On Pittsburg
To de top of de porch to de top of de vall
Now pass avay, pass avay, pass out for cat's sake!

And in two shakes of a skunk's tail ay heard on de roof
Dose animals monkeying around mit dere feet
As ay sucked in may head and tripped over de cat
Down de shimney came Santa Claus flat on his back.

He vas fat as a old hog - right yolly old elf
And ay laughed ven ay seen him - ay couldn't help it.
A vink of his eye and a twist of his head
Soon gave me to know ay didn't have nothin to vorry about.

Vat vas left of his pipe he held in his tooth
And de smoke wrapped around his head like a hoop.
He was qvite broad in places - he had a round little belly
Dat shook ven he'd snicker - like a bottle of likker.

His eyes dey vas glassy - his suit vas de berries,
His cheeks vas like roses - his nose like some cherries
His droll little mouth vas drawed up like a bow
And de beard on his chin dragged down in de snow.

He didn't say nothin - but vent straight to his verk
And put lots of pretty stuff in de hosiery and turned vit a squirt
And putting his fingers in front of his nose
He says - "You know me Kids" and, holy smoke! he vas gone.

He yumped in his big open yob, and to his team gave a vistle
he had promised em for Christmas
And dey yumped up and ran like dey had sat on some tistles
Ay heard him say as he scrammed out of dere
"A Snappy Christmas to all and to all - Ay hope yu get vat yu vant."